Why Does Gender Awareness  Matter?

The current outburst wave of sexual mistreatment, misconduct, and abuse of women by men in the workplaces, in the community, not to mention in the homes left us all wonder and question whether we have done our part, our responsibility, and accountability for our own actions towards one another as we mingle and socialize!

Carly Fiorina, a former CEO of Hewlett Packard and the 2016 Republican Presidential nominee said, the current wave of the sexual harassments allegations from Hollywood to Capitol Hill “will only be a watershed moment if men decide to step forward”. Though she may have a point there, traditionally, male chauvinism and ego will not allow them to step forward. It will mean self-defeat, and who will bring self-down voluntarily? Perhaps it will take a village to help men keep their acts together and “man-up” for their daughters, sisters, aunties, wives, and mothers!

Now, we have heads of states, Hollywood moguls, journalists, Joe the plumber, and or taxi-drivers all have been sexually misbehaving towards women! Of course, in all walks of life, there are bad apples and oranges, but when the bad multiplies, will eventually infect all and become pandemic if not contained!

In trying to find some answers to this disturbing sexual harassment behaviors by men, looking at the root cause of this problem from the context of gender biases and stereotypes that begins from early years of age and continues as they grow old will be a viable measure and inevitable way, if we want to restrain sexual misconduct from its root!

So, instead of waiting for men to step forward, mothers and teachers especially should more than ever before become more aggressive in addressing and teaching moral compass to our children-teaching our boys what being girls means to boys and what being boys means to girls-how to be respectful, responsible, and accountable for our interpersonal relationships and social-interaction behaviors.

The current ongoing wave of sexual misconducts and sexual harassment allegations against women make every woman and mothers wonder whether we have done a good job in raising our children and teach them enough about gender and the respect for gender differences and what it means from early years of their age.

Now than ever before, we need to look back and rethink on how to counteract gender stereotypes with young children so that they (boys especially) grow up with awareness of acceptable pro-social conducts and interpersonal interactions, boundaries of interacting and relating to one another and healthy relationship building. We must raise boys and girls who will grow up not only respecting one another but also responsible for their actions towards one another!

How do young children’s experiences with gender bias affect their development and opportunities for leading successful lives later in the workplaces, in the communities, and in the homes? What can mothers and teachers do to intervene and counteract these stereotypes?

Joannie M. Schrof, a journalist and an editor have said, “Despite current applause for gender equality, children seem to be as stereotypically sex-typed as those of yesteryear.”

Stereotypes and sexism limit potential growth and development because internalizing negative stereotypes impacts self-esteem and ultimately, academic performances of learners and for adults, it affects work performances and relationships with one another and or with their spouses.

There are many stereotypes in every society! Some of the stereotypes are negative and others are positive, however, all stereotypes contribute to a culture of prejudice, which is communicated in words and actions to families, communities, and young children (Derman-Sparks, 2001).

The early gender bias experiences that children encounter can shape their

· Attitude and beliefs related to their development of interpersonal

and intrapersonal relationship,

· Access to educational equity,

· Participation in the corporate work world, as well as

· Stifling their physical and psychological well-being (Hendrix &

Wei, 2009).

(https://youtu.be/kJP1zPOfq_0)

It is critical for educators especially early childhood educators to be aware and vigilant about the effects of gender stereotypes because the concepts of gender identity (intentionally and unintentionally) are applied on children even before they are born, e.g. baby’s room be painted blue or pink, and choices of play toys to symbolize the gender of the child!

Children begin to form concepts of gender around age 2, and most children know if they are a boy or a girl by the age of 3 (Martin & Ruble, 2004).

Children develop their gender identity and begin to understand what it means to be male and or female between ages 3 and 5 years, and soon as children become gender aware, they begin developing stereotypes, which they apply to themselves and to others, in an attempt to give meaning to an understanding of their own identity!

By ages 5 these stereotypes are well developed and become rigidly defined between ages of 5 and 7, making the preschool years a critical period to deal with gender stereotypes (Martin & Ruble, 2004).

Long-term gender bias effects become most apparent in students during adolescence (Carlson Egeland & Sroufe, 2004).

Educators, particularly preschool educators can help children develop a positive sense of their own gender. Teachers who are familiar with the factors that influence gender identity and stereotype development, and who understand the child’s active role in gender identity formation, can more effectively counteract and even neutralize gender bias in their classrooms and attempt to prevent the formation of children’s gender stereotypes (Zaman, 2007). They say prevention is better than cure! If we catch them during their early years of learning, it will save them during their old ages as had learned and refrained from behaviors that are gender identity influenced and stereotypes.

Theories of Gender Development

Lawrence Kohlberg was one of the first theorists to address gender as a learned, cognitive concept. Kohlberg believed that children’s cognitive understanding of gender influenced their behavior (Kohlberg, 1981). Kohlberg’s thinking was influenced by Jean Piaget, who portrayed children as active learners who use interactions with their environment to construct an understanding of the world around them.

These early ideas have been supported by research, and in one study, children were asked about traditional and non-traditional images of women as portrayed in books. Children as young as age 5 were able to use outside knowledge or assumption to reconcile ideas that conflicted with their worldview. They rationalized and used “probably” statements to explain how they come to their conclusions, with or without the use of stereotypes. This research supports Gender-Schema Theory (Martin & Ruble, 2004) which involved the creation of organized structures of knowledge that influence thinking and behavior.

Also, Lev Vygotsky on social interaction played a fundamental role in cognitive development-the ways people interact with others and the culture they live in shape their mental abilities and behaviors (sociocultural theory). Imitation and instruction are vital components to children’s development. Adults promote this learning by role-modeling behavior, assisting with challenging tasks and passing along cultural meanings to events and things, all of which are components of gender development.

Therefore, as adults, we are responsible in raising our children as moral individuals and we need to do more to model the behaviors we want to see in ourselves, in our children, in our community, and in our homes!

Influences on Gender Identity and Stereotypes

Gender stereotypes are pervasive in the media and popular culture (S. Saltmarsh, 2009). From consumer products inundate children with gender-typed on messages on bed sheets, towels, bandages, clothes, school supplies, toys and furniture (Freeman, 2007); to media advertising products e.g. cars or computers sales, typically depicting men and boys as competent users, engaged on active or professional roles, while women and girls were passive observers or merely posed next to the cars/computer while looking pretty or provocative. Same as in movies which convey powerful messages about gender roles and stereotypes.

It is from these treatments of women and girls (gender inequality in many levels) that creates the unwanted and bad behaviors we currently see in many men towards women!

From preschool settings to the higher learning institutions gender inequalities have been observed and it’s now up to the teachers, families (mothers especially) to work more closely with children from young years of age to combat the negative gender identity behaviors that culminate to sexual behavior misconducts and sexual abuses on women.

The classroom environment can not only affect how young children understand the importance of social issues, such as those of gender, but also what they think about themselves and others.

Teachers have the tremendous influence on ideas about gender significance and the role of each gender that must comply with to maintain proper interpersonal interactions and social relationships. Instead of praising girls for their clothing, hairstyles, neatness, and helping behaviors; and in contrast praising boys for their strength, physical skills, sizes, and academic competence or accomplishments, it is better to adopt a neutrality position when addressing boys and girl’s world from early on.

Likewise, families influence gender learning when they reinforce or discourage specific behaviors, for example, mothers are more likely than fathers to encourage collaborative play with both sons and daughters, but fathers are more likely than mothers to react negatively to cross-gender behavior, especially with sons; sons are more likely to be told stories of autonomy and achievement, while daughters are more likely to be told stories of relationships or support; fathers more often told stories of mastery and success, while mothers’ stories were usually a direct expression of emotion.

Therefore, moving forward in combating sexual harassment and or abuse towards women, teachers are to be prepared to promote equitable teaching and families confront gender differentiation and identity construction at homes by demonstrating unbiased interactions and communication, provide encouragement and coaching both girls and boys as having equal abilities and talents to tackle anything they put their hands or heads to.

The power of self-concept is profound, as is the ability of adults to influence the children around them. Families and teachers are encouraged to consciously and intentionally create and promote a positive learning environment-not just in promoting developmentally appropriate practices to stimulate cognitive, emotional and physical domains, but to create a moral compass for what they learn, as well as help shape a global, multicultural, and anti-bias worldview.

Young children create and internalize their own meaning of gender, based on the social cues of the adults, environment, and media around them. Adult, in turn, have a responsibility to ensure that those cues and messages create a healthy understanding of what it means to be male and female (Derman Spark, 2001).

By equipping young children with positive messages of empowerment regardless of gender, in addition to the critical thinking skills to identify stereotypes, teachers and families can impact in children's self-concept resiliency, even when faced with negative stereotypes (Small, 2003). Those children will then be less likely to perpetuate the stereotypes and can help end the cycle of prejudice against girls and women. (Dimensions of Early Childhood, Vol. 39 №3, 2011).

What Does It Take to Know Your Child Well and Get the Best Out of Him/Her?

Rich family, poor family, black family, white family, no family is immune to challenges. Whether from our own family members or from external forces, the biggest challenge many families face is how to deal and resolve family problems amicably and relate to one another affectionately or in a more friendlier manner.

If you are a parent, you know that the journey of parenting starts with the arrival of your child into the world. From day one you have unequivocally interacted with this unique individual child, take time to learn about this child’s special qualities or traits-you are excited about your child, and your child is excited about you too as you both interact and get to know one another.

As days go by, you observe this child in various settings as he/she navigate the world around him/her. You start learning more and a lot about your child as your child reciprocate or remonstrate. You learn how you can better react and address your child’s world and continue to create a special bond; you probably have a vision and a mission about your family’s future-creating a strong and effective family- “the what family is all about”!

But sooner or later you realize that to create a strong and an effective family it requires more than observing, reading or teaching on daily basis, but more importantly, involving and doing it together.

And so, to get your child involved and do their part (whether jobs, homework, etc.) delightfully without countless reminders, verbal threats, and or bribes what parents should do more or do differently?

Parents are constantly get reminded of is these words of wisdom, “early teaching means early learning”, “parents have greater influence in their child’s life”, and, “true happiness comes from the quality of your relationship with your family”; yet to do these things for ourselves and for our children becomes the most daunting task for many parents.

Having a great conversation with our young children in this modern technological societies is becoming increasingly difficult and challenging task for many parents. The sea and the flow of information at their fingertips has enabled many things that contaminates their delicate growing brains/minds resulting them to growing up too fast as they find themselves engaging more and more into these media-initiated and targeted youth activities that are not suitable for their brains such as violence games that resulting to violent crimes, drinking problems, spread of opioid and marijuana usage, and the sexual activities at a very young age. Thus, the concept of “let children be children” (childhood) is being erased before our eyes.

How then can we bring back our children into a real conversation that we can understand them for who they are or who have become, i.e., as own unique people and guide them to grow well, learn, and become respectable and responsible citizens?

Thus, balancing between loving your children and disciplining your children without robbing them the freedom they need for their own growth while enabling them to experience the real journey of life that includes endurance, resiliency and genuine and realistic self-discovery that all children need to experience balanced life!

The answer to the above questions lies on the fact that it will take learning about yourself and your child to make it easy for you to parent your child better and get the best out of him/her, and here is how:

First, Know How My Children are Different from Me

Knowing yourself first, help you know about your child as well. To a large extent, our children are who we are! They have inherited our genes-the way we conduct ourselves, the way we live our lives, the way we nurture ourselves and our children shape the way they grow and learn.

As parents, we know the challenges in every stage of human development, and in every stage, we experience different social-emotional, cognitive, as well as physical development etc. and it’s from these experiences that make us unique individuals with different needs, and interests which will ultimately affect our paths to growth and development.

Like adults, children experience different emotions (stress, anger, frustrations, etc.) and have their own perspectives about their world. They have likes and dislikes, temperament types, and learning about how different they are from yours will help you understand your child better and know how to minimize the frictions between two of you-allowing things in moderation while building in skills that will eventually eliminate all that causing misunderstanding between you and your child.

Remember, if you are too rigid and strict it may backfire and cause unwanted behavior (defensive or rebellious attitude). Likewise, if you are too lenient and giving all the time, it sets the room for dependence, entitlement, and even laziness.

The most important thing you can give to your child especially in today’s world is your time with them.

Many studies show that parent-child time together has some lifelong benefits. Parents who read often to their child, sharing meals (meals time together), having one-on-one conversations more often on matters involving your child’s world, parents’ sensitivity towards your children’s needs and interests and parents taking interests on what matters the most in their children’s life.

Insensitive and selfish parents affect their children negatively, while parents who are sensitive towards their children’s needs and interests have a tremendous positive impact on their children; even by just witnessing their parents responding or worrying about their well-being, children notice, and this has a tremendously positive outcome on them.

“What inspires a child to grow up caring about others is the caring that the child receives.” (American Psychological Association, 2005).

So, as parents, we need to ask ourselves if we are doing enough for our children. Are we doing enough for our children to be watching us, not just listening to us!

Robert Fulghum once said, “Don’t worry that children never listen to you; worry that they are always watching you”.

The demands for parenting today are enormous! Parents are working long hours to be able to pay bills while leaving their children alone or in the hands of others/strangers. Finding quality parent-child time is challenging but it’s the most important piece of the puzzle that is missing in many families nowadays. It’s the quality parent-child time that brings the family together and into real and meaningful conversations.

Second, The Ways My Children Get My Attention

Children are naturally curious attention seekers (and so as some parents since they were once children, and probably never overgrew their curiosity to attention seeking part of their behavior) but knowing the limit is crucial because even the positive attention-seeking can become toxic and a behavior problem when exercised uncontrollably. Attention-seeking isn’t much different from manipulation, except that manipulation can also emerge from negative attention by both parents and children.

Many children misbehave to get attention which in turn use it to manipulate, hence discipline problems. Many parents also manipulate their children which create more behavior problems hence discipline problems. As we learn to give both carrots and sticks, we should remember these strategies that enable us to give only the “needed attention”. We must know the balance between how much attention children need and how much we can give. Be aware of when “need for attention” may turn to “demand for attention”!

I believe that parenting style of guiding your children does affect your children. It affects their personality and their approach to life, particularly, their moral compass, their emotional intelligence, level of self-esteem, how they manage anger and aggression, how they handle stress, their willingness to cooperate with others, whether they can take another person’s perspective, and their social skills.

Parents can teach more helpful behaviors by showing and modeling desired behaviors such as using words to express anger. Parents can also identify behavior that causing the problem (nagging, winning, belonging, etc.) and teach skills that would be more helpful for the child, e.g. asking for things or help in a normal voice/tone.

Acknowledging your child when your child does good, make effort, or demonstrate good behavior helps your child to remember that is an appropriate and acceptable way that can be repeated again-it boost your child’s morally. While we condemn bad behavior, we must be vigilant in acknowledging and praising good behaviors for it gives signals or cues for more constructive behaviors.

Giving a meaningful feedback to children also is crucial to managing children’s behaviors. Helpful information is critical to constructing skills and behavioral competencies. Good feedback can help children make good changes to some chronic behaviors.

Furthermore, make sure that your children don’t start seeing themselves through the eyes of those who don’t value them. Help your children realize how uniquely and precious they are and pay attention to the most important things that illuminate and amplify your children’s lives, because “no attention” at all is worse than positive and negative attention.

Third, Things My Children Likes or Loves (Personal likes/Needs Versus Your Likes/Needs)

Part of raising children well and supporting their needs that allows them healthy progression is not only to know who your children are but also, what your children like and loves! Your child may like or love music more than math for example, how are you going to either intervene and help your child to love both, and if that isn’t an option, how can you nurture and support the talents or the creativity your child wants to put into the music to thrive well in music while also helping him not to ignore and fail math completely?

There will be times when your child’s likes or loves conflict with what you would like your child to pursue instead. Understanding that it’s not all about you but rather about your child, knowing the differences and learning to address them creatively and constructively will not only save both of you from may parent-child frictions but will build-in strengths that you can both work on or count on.

I have seen it with my own children, for example, I get so frustrated when I see them not studying hard enough, and I will lecture them how they should study and even draw a comparison from how I studied during my time in school, to how they are studying now, which in my mind (not in their mind) isn’t good enough or hard enough! And they will always respond, “but we haven’t performed poorly”! And of course, I will rebuttal, “but you could perform extraordinarily if only you could study a little harder, adopt a better or a different study-style and or study-plan, I may also go above and beyond to what they needed at a time; I will add variety of study materials on the study area etc. with the intention to influence them to follow my suggestions”.

Yes, I might amplify the need to take learning seriously simply by talking “how to” and even by providing supporting materials but the ultimate decision is theirs, especially if they prove to be where they are expected to be, whether performing well academically or performing other roles in their own style and get things done!

We become effective and better supportive when we can afford our children an environment which is conducive to growth and learning-provide tools and materials for learning effectively with the hope that such environment will inspire and motivate them in their learning. And perhaps, that is the best way to nurture what they might need and like to support their talents and creativity in their studies than constantly lecturing them about what works and what doesn’t work when we are two different individuals and in a different period.

Remember, a lasting and solid mutual friendship is based on identifying the likes and the dislikes.

Four, Special Challenges My Child Faces

For me and my family, perhaps more than anything is the assurance that, “…It is going to be OKAY; tomorrow is going to be better than yesterday…”. All parents want their children to be feeling secure and to be happy.

Our children pose many and special challenges, but above all is the sense of security! How secure my children feel is a mystery to me especially in today’s world where they are constantly bombarded with many things beyond their understanding and control. Things that parents too have no control of and we are all struggling to catch up with this fast-paced technological society and the need to fit-in or cope with the pace!

Scientist, Albert Einstein, said, “It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity…He also contended, “The human spirit must prevail over technology.”

If there is one thing that makes many parents worrisome is thinking about challenges our young children are confronted with in this era of fast advancement of technology which induces a range of emotions in many children from all corners of the world (whether they have the tech-gadgets-wanting more or the latest, and or they don’t have it and longing to have it). The impact that technology brings to our lives has both good and evil experiences.

Parents must be extremely vigilant about the evil side technology is bring to our families and our societies at larger to the lowest point of our humanity. Helping our children use technology with cautions because children are the most vulnerable and targeted group, is a real challenge parents fears as they witness their children burying themselves more and more into it (texting 24/7, ears-devices/speakers on 24/7, video games, etc.), it is interfering and interrupting with our ways of doing things and our ability to mingle with other human beings!

On the good side of technology, it has brought the world look smaller- brings people closer together (video chats, smartphones that can connect even in the remote part of the world), and it has solved some of the greatest challenges-medical discoveries, tech-education, etc.

In education, for example, technology has become a life-saver, a game-changer, for many smart children with learning disabilities, children in schools and out of schools, as well as for adults who can go back to school at their chosen time while continue working. Technology brings textbooks and blackboards to your fingertips -with internet connecting students across the globe, and it is helping to bridge the achievement gap as it accommodates the self-paced and the learning styles of any student.

Five Special Strengths of My Child

Understanding your child’s strengths may help you support your child better and more effectively. There are different clues of strengths your child may display. If you can identify them and capitalize on them, you will be helping your child build character and habits, you can both count on. Your character is what makes you a person you are! And helping children build positive character is vital to their strengths.

Kindness, love of learning, tolerance, persistence, resilience, self-confidence, courage and responsibility are the strengths that I look from my children to build-in character and habits. There are different strengths in every one of us-you are how you relate to other people and the world around you-you step-up to help when needed, you work well and get along well with one another, with our colleagues/classmates, and with our co-workers; even the ability to accept or admit life challenges, disappointments and be able to move on gracefully are the strengths children need to learn and acquire, hence, we become responsible parents with responsible children!

Rudolf Drekuirs & Margaret Goldman, said, “Never do for a child what he can do for himself. A “dependent” child is a demanding child…children become “irresponsible” only when we fail to give them opportunities to take on responsibility.”

In the end, I want my children to learn and draw their strengths from the fact that life is filled with highs and lows, with mountains to conquer and carves to explore, long roads to travel that will test their strength, resilience, persistence, self-confidence and courage-the character that push them to overcome challenges. But the lessons they will learn is that to overcome the challenges is what makes them stronger and better persons. Is what makes them persons of character!

Former Governor of California, Arnold Schwarzenegger said, “Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is the strength.”

Six, but not least, What I appreciate About My Child

Appreciating one another in the family context build love, respect, and strong relationships, that make a family strong. When we acknowledge each other and give each other space to grow, when we show compassion towards one another and extends it to others, we appreciate them and life itself.

One of the many lessons from Dalai Lama writings, “If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion.”

Compassion, therefore, is a component of moral values (respect, kindness, empathy, genericity, sensitivity, honest, etc.), that we teach our children-the ethical behavior that children develop to understand right and wrong! When my children show compassion towards me or other people it shows that they are learning and developing as expected and I appreciate them for that-for being kind, for showing respect, for sharing, for helping or telling the truth, etc.

Ralph Marston said, “Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, you will soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you will find that you have more of it.”

My children are my reasons to think of tomorrow differently; and as parents, it’s our responsibility to make our children understand that they are special to us as we are special persons to them!

There are so many ways to appreciate our children but the most powerful one is when children listen and follow useful bits of advice instead of being disrespectful or ungrateful; when they think of others-sharing versus selfishness, and when they refrain from being defensive and rebellious, when they step-up to help willingly, and when they learn to accept mistakes; to sum up, children are more appreciated when they uphold morals and values that make us and the society we live in complete.

Understand What’s Your Child’s Learning Style is Will Help You and Your Child Discover and Maximize Learning Ability to His/her full potential.   

As we enter the 21st century, the study and research 
of children’s growth, development, and learning have gotten more interesting than ever. The study continues to generate interests as we are transitioning from traditional ways of learning to a more conventional tech-education. Now, researchers are going beyond their data to develop broad ideas that attempt to explain how children grow and develop learning.

So, how children grow and develop learning?

Benjamin Franklin once said, “Tell me, and I forget, teach me, and I may remember, involve me, and I learn.” 

Indeed tell me and I forget, teach me and I may remember, involve me and I may learn, aligns well with how young children think, act, and learn. To understand young children and how they grow and learn parents, teachers, and or adults who care for and teach them must first have to acquire the knowledge of child development! 

Child development entails the biological, psychological and emotional changes that occur in human beings from birth to adolescence, as the person progresses from dependency to independence. It is a continuous process with a predictable sequence, though no two are the same. Everyone has a unique course or timetable. Each stage of development is determined and or affected by the preceding developmental experiences because these developmental changes are strongly influenced by both internal (genetics) and external (environment) factors. To learn more about child development go to:

https://www.nap.edu/read/19401/chapter4 and or https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/child_development).

Most of the early childhood educators received extensive training courses about child development and early childhood education and early literacy to help them support early learning and literacy with the kids they work with. To reach out to all students and be able to get the best out of them requires multiple tools and strategies, but more importantly the understanding of the way they learn.

Young children are small human beings who are complex, and at times puzzling. These young children may speak an entirely different language, practice different customs, expect a different kind of nurturing, embrace different values, be surrounded by people who look different, or have a variety of special needs! And if there were a code you could learn that would lead you to become a great parent of your defiant child or a great teacher of your passive/unresponsive student, all of us would have crowded the classroom to learn to un-code that child or that student! This, however, is still a doable process that need be learned to better support the children in their growth and learning.

I believe that children’s most important role is learning while their parents, teachers, and or adults help in supporting their growth and development by affording them with the developmentally-appropriate environment for them to respond, to practice and to experience life as we would expect them.

A well-rounded teacher who can teach a diverse group of children knows that these children come in all sizes, shapes, and colors. Today’s classrooms are now more diverse than ever as our 21st Century societies become increasingly diverse! We are not only dealing with different cultures and ethnicities, but also language barriers. And that requires teachers to do more, to learn more, and to be able to reach out to everyone. This is as hard for the teachers as it is for the children too.

Acquiring knowledge in child-development and gaining in-depth knowledge of different learning styles and abilities of learners and incorporating effective instructional methods to meet all the unique interests and learning needs, and good child-teacher relationships are the foundations on which adults can help children construct effective learning and social skills. These children construct solutions to the problems and become autonomous, self-disciplined, and self-controlled, hence meaningful learning.

If teachers can adapt teaching methodologies and strategies which not only engage the children but also rich in content, then they will be able to give children what they need to succeed in the 21st Century tech-education. Thus, the current tech-education approach to teaching and learning that can make schools and children learn effectively, achieve more, and prevent further failures and close up the achievement gaps in many schools in the country.

Also, open child-teacher dialogues help build on skills and capabilities of managing the tasks independently in future. Young children go through their developmental transitions stages successfully if parents, teachers or adults in their lives can evaluate their young minds. And always remember that no two children are the same, every child learns differently and grows differently at their own pace.

Take toddlerhood age, for example, this is the time when a child begins to move from dependence to independence, a period in human life when the brain starts to absorb the most. At this stage learning independence and finding out that they can do many things without help happens. They are learning the importance of limits! They are learning from play and fantasy, they are learning through identification; and the more they learn, the more they develop vocabulary and language skills. In this sensory-motor period, rapidly developing gross and fine motors enable toddlers to gain autonomy and perform many tasks on their own.

Because of toddler’s constant motion and impulsive desire to explore objects and people, adults can easily become upset and frustrated with their behaviors. Adults often meet a toddler’s new independent actions with a firm “NO”. We all know, and dread-the-terrible-twos! At this stage toddlers move nonstop; their emotions can change faster than a cheetah that spotted a deer!

Toddlers have a here-and-now urgency; they are only semi-verbal and semi-rational; but they are also fun, funny, and adorable! They are like a little sponge, absorbing everything they see and hear. They spend a lot of time classifying things to help them understand their world. They say words over and over, work with objects over and over! These routines may be tedious for adults, but for toddlers such actions make them feel secure. Repetition is also a way for a toddler to control his or her environment! The only thing adults need to do here is to understand that this is a natural stage of development for this age-group and to be calm and patient. What makes the terrible twos is not that your toddler does things you don’t want him or her to do, but your toddler does things because you don’t want him or her to do them.

Jean Piaget a psychologist and construction theorist view conflict as necessary for the construction of knowledge! This also means that this age group is not too young to learn or get them involved, and start applying the positive and constructive discipline strategies; teaching more good behaviors and teach consequences. There is a say in Swahili that, samaki mkunje angali mbichi, akishakauka hakunjiki (fold the fish still row, having dried up it won’t fold, it will break!).

Starting early at this stage to instill those good values, morals, and teach more “how-to” will surely build a good foundation for future behavior.

In recent years, parents have become more and more lenient to their children to the extent that a three-year-old child detects to the parents what he or she wants or do not want including but not limited to what they want to eat, wear, and want to go or do, etc. If these demands are not met, then parents are in big trouble! They cannot manage their child and the child is sure to make the parent’s day a miserable one. As a result, parents surrendered their power to a three-year-old child! Nowadays, children are taking the place of the parent! What do you think these children will be when they reach teenage years?

In some instances, with this age-group more often, adults tend to intervene too soon and too often and neglect to teach toddlers ways of solving conflicts. Toddlers need opportunities to discover, experiment, and to solve their own conflicts while adults observe and are ready to move in with helpful and supportive interventions when needed, instead of constant forbidden warnings and or limitations.

Too much “Nos” against toddlers in most cases cause chaos more than it solves the problem, and it can also limit toddlers’ learning capabilities and experiences. It is you (adults) and your reactions to your youngster’s actions or behaviors which will make you enjoy your youngsters or denounce them! Children learn the best in an environment that affords them the opportunity for meaningful learning, exploration, and discovery of their creativity and ability, as well as experiencing fun through plays-both large and small/fine motor plays and games. The role of the adult here is to observe and ensure that the environment is conducive to growth and effective learning.

Home is a first place where all learning starts, therefore, one way to ensure your children learn effectively is by making your home a welcoming learning place; and incorporating the understanding of how children learn is crucial as well. We parents are vital to our children’s learning and development. Offering our children an environment that supports their early learning will, in turn, provide you and your children a successful experience.

Before learning and understanding child development, I used to think that young children learn the best when they:

· listened and watched adults performing task and directing them how to

· memorized facts-make them memorize and remember things we taught them

· thought about abstract ideas

· followed directions step-by-step

· had their mistakes corrected

· practice tasks selected for them by others

· sit quietly at the desks to be lectured.

After learning and understanding child development, I now know that young children learn the best when they:

· actively participate in the process of performing the task

· use real objects to witness real results, not memorized facts

· work at their own pace and style

· follow their own natural curiosity, not forced to follow strictly given directions or follow someone else’s path

· experiment to find solutions to their problems and to make mistakes is part of learning; it’s okay to make mistakes.

· choose what they want to do, to build on their own experiences

· actively get involved and play-play is to occupy oneself in amusement, sport, game, or other recreation of their choosing, not forced to join and play a specific play strictly selected for them. A play is a very important part of development for your growing child. Not only is playtime entertaining for your child, but also provides stimulation, increase skills and coordination, provide an outlet for your child’s energy, and helps to encourage exploration by your child.

· Play is also an important teaching tool or strategy as it can help to teach your child concepts such as shapes, numbers, colors, and help your child to get along with others, be part of a group and to share. It allows for creativity and fantasy, learns self-discipline, self-control, self-confidence, and perseverance at the same time.

A play can be practiced anywhere, at school, home, and in the community. A home that affords children’s positive learning and growth also has:

· A place for study with table and chairs, possibly bookshelf with collection of favorable books, and or other supporting materials and tools or equipment that support learning-computer, printer, etc. But also, others prefer soft cushion on the floor, if you can designate a space for learning to make it special for that purpose or whatever works with your child is what counts.

· Encourage early literacy by providing 15 to 60 minutes of educational sessions including reading and math depending on the age of the child. Every child is different.

Knowing your child’s unique talents, skills, abilities and special needs will help both you and your child find the best way to take advantage of learning opportunities and resources available. Children possess a healthy curiosity about things around them and do enjoy learning whether they are passive and at times unresponsive or struggling with learning for reasons beyond their control such as trauma from unstable or broken home, or your child possesses inborn-strong-willed traits which cause behaviors that interfere with his/her learning.

The children learning experts such as Cynthia Urich Tobias on her book, The Way They Learn: How to Discover and Teach to Your Child’s Strengths encourage and offer guidance to parents, teachers, and adults who work with children on how to get the most and best in your children by understanding the way they learn. She offered an in-depth insight into learning styles and how knowing your child’s learning style can give you a better understanding of the type of learning approaches that will help your child do better in school. She began her book with these five concepts as general guidelines to keep in mind when dealing with learning styles:

“Observing (Observe the pattern of behavior. When you or your child experiences success, what are the circumstances that brought that success?).

Listen (Listen to the way a person communicates. If you only talk to others the way you want them to talk to you, you may discover you’re speaking a language that is foreign to them. Listening carefully can teach you how you need to talk to them).

Experiment (Experiment with what works and what doesn’t. Keep an open mind and remember that even if an approach to learning does not make sense to you, it may work for your children. We do not all learn in the same way).

Focus (Focus on natural strengths, not weaknesses. Unfortunately, it’s so much easier to pinpoint areas of weakness that need improvement than to bolster sources of strength. But you can’t build much on weaknesses-strengths provide a much better foundation!).

Learn (Learn more about learning styles in general. Pay close attention to your children’s and your own learning styles in particular.)”

As she proceeds, she outlines four dominant learning styles and its characteristics:

· Dominant Concrete Sequential (CS)

· Dominant Abstract Sequential (AS)

· Dominant Abstract Random (AR)

· Dominant Concrete Random(CR)

Learn details and comparison of what the four-dominant learning styles might be on some key issues, from Cynthia Urich Tobias book, The Way They Learn: How to Discover and Teach to Your Child’s Strengths.

Therefore, just because your child may not respond to you accordingly, it doesn’t always mean that your child isn’t listening! It could be differences of perceptions that cause you both not be on the same page. It’s like speaking a foreign language that cannot be understood. Learning to listen to one another may result to effective communication, and an effective communication is a lubricant that makes things run smoothly!

Did You Start the New School Year Right?

If you didn’t start the school year right it's never too late to gear up for a successful school year! So, as the first school quoter gets closer to an end, start the second quoter of school geared up for a new learning spirit!! Now is the time to spice up the second quoter of the school year learning marathon with a strong and positive vibe.

Here are 12 top things you need to do:

Teamwork

Getting to know your teachers and your peers! So, to make the transition smooth for parents and their children become your child’s partner in their learning by making it a habit to have learning time together and get to know and do school stuff together. Making an effort to know your child’s teachers is part of the teamwork. It helps you and your child gain some sense of familiarity. Encourage your child to team up with his or her peers in the neighborhoods they live or in the schools they attend to form study groups early on and take learning seriously. “Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising every time we fail”. Studying with your buddies/peers is more likely to inspire and lift you up. Mentor one another and share knowledge. One mentor can make a difference-could be your parent, your friend, or your librarian.

Be Courageous

Ready, set, goal! With courage, you will dare to take risks, have the strength to be passionate about your learning, and the wisdom to try and keep trying until you get it right or where you want to be. When we are in our comfort zone things happens-we become courageous, we develop curiosity, we explore and discover things and ourselves, and we build-in positive experiences. So, step up and try! Start small and finish big. Be your own advocate of your destiny. Knowing what you thrive for, gives you the courage to go chase your dream-whatever dream you might have-getting straight A’s, become a Cheerleader, or attend the college of your choice! With courage you will dare to take a try and have the strength to be passionate about your school and your learning; and the wisdom to keep trying if you have to until you get the results you desire. Courage is the foundation of integrity and integrity is the quality of being honest or truthful and having strong moral principles in what you believe.

Build Enthusiasm

Where there is a will, there is a way and the opportunity for enthusiasm. School rock! Plan your study daily, weekly, monthly, and for the year with the help of your teachers, your parents, your peers, your mentors, or your librarians-make this year a learning year, from scholastic classic reading tales, to Penguin’s paperbacks; gear up for STEM skills and explore cool projects and discover your creativity; or try digital learning to supplement your everyday learning. Train the brain and rediscover the whole new way of learning! Make the most of the after-school time to work on what is holding you back! Become a smart kid and super parents who make the teachers talk about you the whole year! Every day bring your enthusiasm to your studies and make learning part of your daily activities. It is exciting to enter the new grade level ready and with confidence, that prepare you for a new good academic year.

Dare to Dream

Remember, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams”. If you want to become a scientist, for example, take science classes seriously and go beyond that-take interests in sciences and scientific world. Does your child’s school see his or her potential? Tutor time counts and matters! If your child wants to expand their interests or solidify their existing passion for learning, you will be sure to find enrichment programs to fit their curiosity and interests. Introducing enrichment programs to your child can make a difference between success and failure. A good tutor builds student’s confidence and inspires them. How do you know if a tutor could help your child: teacher or counselor recommendations, homework increasingly becomes difficult, struggled/increased anxiety toward school work; and or loss interest and resistance to doing school work. So, how does tutoring help: provides personalized attention, customized to student’s needs, provides a review of skills missed during class, help increases student motivation and improves self-confidence; and encourages independence and self-directed learning. Give your child a chance to succeed in school by affording him or her rich learning opportunities through enrichment programs.

Embrace Change

Whether is a new school, new teachers, new friends or new grade level, changes are part of life. Get prepared to embrace or make a connection with these changes to reestablish friendships and catch ups. Take it as a great opportunity to meet all these new things and people to get acquitted, it does wonders to everyone when you reconnect and form friendships. Don’t get comfortable with the status quo. Remember, “No person is your friend who demands your silence, or denies you the right to grow”. Speak out for help! Find out what resources available you can take advantage off to change situations-change the unfavorable scores to favorable scores, change from struggling with learning to thrive with learning or change from being a passive learner to an active learner.

Set Goals

 Star with the small steps and progress to bigger steps. Setting goals and plans on how to achieve your desired goals is the beginning stage of progress. Any progress achieved is a result of your initiatives, your determination, commitment and hard work. If there is no hard work, there is no progress! For the love of learning, supporting your child’s learning is a solid investment with a lifetime dividend. Parents and teachers’ goal is to prepare students to excel as young learners and intellectual leaders of tomorrow. Set small steps one at a time and you will get big rewards. Forming connections with your teachers, successful working relationships between teacher and students; and parents and schools are like a good marriage. When teachers connect with their students they experience cooperation, genuine and positive interactions which influence the way students feel about school and learning. Teamwork between teachers, parents, and students can maximize the strength of the parties involved and create positive education potential for the students. Learning with purpose, staying in the present addressing one current issue at a time, rather than revisit the past, pass judgment or blame; instead, focus and aim for the progress you want to see in your student’s learning and beyond.

Be Optimistic

 In all, you do find an opportunity to better your chances! Remember, the pessimist sees difficulties in every opportunity while the optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. Keep the focus on active learning, active participation, and positive contribution. Practice positive rituals help to increase harmony in the classroom or at home and reduce stress-make a brief positive affirmation or chant, for example, you can chant, “Together we can. We are family, we are happy, we are helpful and kind. We are caring friends, etc. Students love to repeat the teachers/adults’ words, and it brings the feeling of belonging and connection. Learning opportunities happen everywhere and anytime if you pay attention.

Active Participation

 Show up and become an active learner and extend your ability and creativity by helping the passive or the struggling peer. Share positive comments with teachers, peers and parents in the classroom and outside the classroom. Practice active listening by giving full attention to your teachers and classmates. Take time to share lessons you have learned with others in school or at home. Both teachers and peers will appreciate your willingness and contribution to the class. The goal is to understand each other especially during classroom sessions and recognize that a school is a place for learning and growth. Communicate positively and effectively with teachers and peers. Know and follow the school and classroom rules-rules for participation, sharing, homework, discipline, responsibility, etc. The unselfish effort to help and uplift others, not only build strong friendships and cheer to others but also brings joy and pride to ourselves. When you are generous to others, it brings happiness in our lives. There in the crowd is a friend-short, tall, young; and or old-friends come in all shapes and sizes. Value friendship through participation and reach out!

Focus on Trust

Trust is the first chapter in the book of knowledge.  Trusting your learning journey is part of building a stronger you and good relationships between students, teachers, and parents-students should be honest and trust their teacher's interests in their learning, and so as parents should develop trust with schools and the teachers. Parents are partners in the process of teaching children. Honest, good, and effective communication between schools and parents is crucial and serves as a bridge that allows smooth passage between teachers and students. Honesty builds trust. Two-way communications and two-way feedback build trust. We all have expectations from our children; however, both parents and teachers should keep these expectations from their students realistic especially during the beginning months of the new school year. Show confidence in them and let your students know that you trust their ability to cope, ability to learn and succeed. Remind them of the other challenges they have faced in the past but persevered.

Bring Leadership

 “Tell me and I forget. Show me and I remember, involve me and I understand”. Parents and teachers play a leading role in helping students cope with the back-to-school worries. Major transitions can cause feelings of insecurity and anxiety on how they are going to master their new environment even if is a returning student! New routines matter and they come embedded with emotions-so do not underestimate or overestimate things that might come from this new experience for your student and you! Some worries are not obvious to parents or teachers, especially the beginning months of the new school year; that is why parents and teachers need to take a lead in acknowledging and understanding this transitioning period as a difficult time for students and lower their expectations during the first two months of starting school. Listen tentatively and respond empathetically while focusing on your student’s real concern. Don’t just tell them, “Don’t worry”, “You will be fine. “It just a new school”, etc. If a student is starting a new school, take a lead in finding and making contacts with students who have been there before or who is going to the same school and lives in the same neighborhoods. Fears of the unknown can be eliminated with a student-to-student connection.

Make Efforts

Remember, “No dreamer is ever too small, nor dream is ever too big”. Explore your talents and stretch your boundaries! By empowering students to see their potential can help them to endure values of the school and learning for bright future. It’s important for both parents and student to make efforts to initiate good relationships with teachers and schools. Teachers understanding of your student and advice they share can be extremely helpful to your parenting and potential to your student’s learning and growth. Help student focus on the positive things they like about school and learning and list things that will help them achieve success in their learning and beyond. Keep their extracurricular activities manageable and avoid over-scheduling especially during the first months of school as it can overwhelm you both and make the situation tenser. You both need time to unwind and reflect during the transitioning to a new school year. Afterwards, take the ownership of the learning process, and you and your child’s own efforts and independent initiatives will be fostered and nurtured by teachers and schools as it is their interests too to see your child succeed!

Aim for Success

 Enjoy the ride! “Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it”.  As students explore their world, support them by giving them happier, healthier, and well-rounded foundation as possible to support their learning and future success, i.e. parents and teachers are an important force in preparing students for school and for future life. To achieve success from the start to the finish, parents and teachers must engage their students every day because learning is achieved by cultivating curiosity, creativity, courage, and commitment; paying attention to important things; focusing on learning something daily and keep the hard work of maintaining the routines. Parents’ involvement in their children’s daily learning and engagements are the key to unlock their children’s full potential. Every student matters, outcome matters regardless of race, gender, religion, or socioeconomic background. Success demands the closing of all gaps and the creation and maximization of futures opportunities for students, teachers, and schools. A happy student is a happy parent and a successful school!