How Teaching Family Golden Rules Can Be a Game Changer!

More often, young children lack the verbal or social skills to do many things or make their wishes known. As a result, frustrations or refusal of cooperation comes and mounts quickly. And this may be vented as aggression, anger, and other forms of antisocial behaviors-withdraw, hence violence. In learning and teaching the right way to respond and react to the different situation, favorable and unfavorable both adults and children need to consider consequences. Adults leading the way, let the children know the effects of their actions in a constructive manner, calm, and strategically for a win-win-results-e.g. Alex, your room must be clean and neat before I take you to play the games with your friends. Also, let the children know in advance what might happen from their actions. In doing so can help children sort out or think a bit about the effect of their actions on others or things. Always make sure that your discipline rules are in line with your child’s age and development stage. The teaching that works at one scene may not work at another or with every child.

Real education starts from toddlerhood to adulthood. And both parents and children need the discipline to attain the desired goal.

The teaching we commonly find appealing and working-the golden family rules if you may include:

·        Always be genuine and honest with each other and with your children.

·        Have an open and real/effective communication.

·       Help one another to grow and learn-be supportive of one another.

·       Always be content and thankful for life and thrive for best.

·       Always be respectful, kind, and loving to each other-to both parents and children.

·       Help and comfort one another.

·       Always keep your promises especially with the young children for it create trustworthiness.

·        Look after each other and console one another.

·       Treat one another other like you treat yourself or friends. 

·        Forgive and forget, though hard, it’s a noble thing to do, and worth learning discipline.

·        Love one another deeply from the heart.

As you teach your children, you engage yourselves in learning about not only what works but also what doesn’t work for both of you. Your engagement and or lack of involvement in imparting knowledge to your children may have a profound influence on whether your child turns out to be a delight or a terror. The way you respond and react to the young children's behavior shapes their future actions in unimaginable ways.

Now the question becomes, how do you teach good manners or strong morals to young children who are not yet rational, matured, and whose understanding of the concept such as manners, morals, and empathy is not part of their upbringing, or not in their horizon?

Responsible and prepared parents know that early intervention is pivotal, inevitable and is the best way to start teaching young children ways to relate and interact with one another healthfully. They also know that it needs a lot of patience and practice to follow some simple rules of discipline before your tyrannical preschooler becomes a pleasant tween; and before the discipline rules become a common practice and more adaptive way of living as your child grows to an adult.

Undeniably, young children need sets of disciplinary rules throughout their life. So, teach your children in a right way and train them onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not depart from it. Remember, "Moral excellence comes as a result of habits; we become just by doing just acts, temperate by doing temperate acts, brave by doing brave acts." ~ Aristotle

Here is how to enforce the golden rules for young children to build in manners and maximize discipline:

·       Actively Reinforce Good Behavior-always accentuate the positive. Don’t run short in acknowledging and praising good behaviors even when it is expected of them. It is familiar and comfortable to see and react to our children's misbehaviors, forever intervening and correcting whenever things go wrong, than we can acknowledge the things they do right. Gentle acknowledgment of any accomplishment and reminders can minimize or stop unwanted behaviors.

·       Prevent Problems Before It Happens-creates a safe environment for your young child and is one way to prevent some unwanted behaviors; from how your home is set up, the company you keep, to the places you like to go for fun or interact with others. Avoiding situations that will cause trouble is a no-brainer: trying to please a child by giving in every time a child makes the demand is cultivating unwanted behavior which may lead to entitlement and more of undesirable behaviors such as defiance, unruly, or rebellious. Offering helpful reminders before things go high way is crucial and may prevent mistakes before they happen! For example, during meal time if you spill food, you must clean the mess; after finish eating, you must clean after the table; or after every bath, the rule is you wash the tab or make your bed soon as you wake up! These are simple things to do yet many children are leaving them to their parents do them for them! Let your child learn how to be responsible for their actions-clean after their messes and discover more ways to be helpful at home, in schools, and in the community at large.

·       Set Limits-all young children need clear, consistent limits setting to define the boundaries of acceptable and unacceptable behaviors. No matter how young the child may be placing and enforcing limits is necessary and should start from a very young year of age. If you don't like or approve your child's behavior now even if your child is two or too cute to discipline, you won't want it after a few dozen times either! They say, "Samaki mkunje angali mbichi, akishakauka hakunjiki," Swahili proverb.

Young children test our wisdom and reactions to try to figure out what he or she can get away with. It is the parent's job to tell your child what is okay and what is not okay.

The idea that your child is too young, he/she is just a kid, or he/she is incapable of understanding your teachings, is falling short in your parenting skills!  Young children, even toddlers are smart than most parents may think they are. With parents help and patience, young children can learn the difference between right and wrong and think about their actions and the consequences.

·       Be Firm-lack of firmness tend to backfire or send a message to a child that his or her demand must be accepted; "No should mean No." Your child may ask, request, nag, or whine about something, over and over! You know the "Please, Please, Please"! And you comply with your child even though you know you shouldn't. Your child will make the same demand every time and turn it around and cause a conflict between two of you because you give in once or all the times. The child will demand why not now?

·       Certainly, leniency has its place in parenting, but over time a lack of firmness/toughness tends to be unproductive. If you fail to be firm and enforce stability and limit, you deprive your child the ability to learn and the understanding of how you expect your child to behave. Often when you are too lenient, your child will also tend to take advantage of you!  Over time, as your child test your limit, soon will discover which button to push to get the response that he or she desires instead of vice versa, and you can be sure that your child will push the button again and again.

Always make it clear that you are in charge, and not your child. You can be as friendly with your child as it can be but remember you are a parent first.

·       Be Clear, and Realistic-always keep your expectations about your child’s behavior clear and realistic. Otherwise, you set yourself up for the unfavorable outcome. The younger your child, the less patience and short spam of concentration or keep steady and follow through. Teach and discipline according to the level of your child’s age and developmental stage. Don’t get deterred that it is not working. Try all the tricks you know about including professional help! Some children may need extra help than you can offer them, it’s okay to seek that help.

·       Be Consistency-Once you make the rules enforce them. Inconsistency confuses a learning child.  Don’t say “yes” today to play in the rain and say “no” tomorrow when your child wants to play in the rain! If you give a signal that we will be leaving the playground after two more rounds of slides or swings, you must do so. Don’t wait for them to make three, four or more rounds; the next time you are ready to leave after “two more rounds” you may not be taken seriously.

You may not be 100% consistent in all things and all the time, but whenever there are variations in decisions offer clear explanations why you allow things done differently than usually done. Any changes and adjustment you made that is out of the norm or not the way your children used to, you owe them an explanation to avoid misunderstanding, confusion, or mixed message.

·       Be Brief- often, most young children benefit most from short, precise, to-the-point messages. The younger your child, the better it is to use few words as possible-"we don't do that, "teasing hurts" "lying is wrong."  Also, it may be the best way to get your message across to a young child using “I-Messages."! "I don't like it if I have to clean after your mess! I want you to collect your clothes, books off the floor and put them where they belong", " I see that you have not made your bed since yesterday.”

·       Be Role Model- set a good example. Children are our carbon copy – they copy what adult say and do! If you say one thing and do the opposite, you are not setting a good example. If you teach young children hitting is terrible, you should not be the one to use spanking as a discipline measure.

·       Divert and Distract-monitor moods and remember every child is a different-unique individual, and one size fits all does not apply to young children. There are so many ways to teach discipline and to react to young children behavior problems.  These ways are implemented according to each child's age, developmental level, and relationships, they have forged with their parents or guardians.

Some young children respond well to signals, warnings, and reminders, yet others may need more restrain limits-if you give in once, they will take advantage of it later. Avoid power struggle when divert, distract or stopping unwanted behavior. As you discipline your young children, remember that you are not just helping them learn how to behave; you also teaching them what to expect from their world, and what it expects from them in return.

·       Stay Calm-being extra patience in today’s fast-paced world may seem impossible or underestimating the reality, however with young children its must. Though easy to say than to do, when discipline your children, if you deliver and maintain the discipline message in calm, and rational manner chances, are you will earn your child’s cooperation. Control your temper and anger it’s all about being staying calm and being extra patience because if not it may send a negative response or impact on your child's learning and growth. It can be challenging but raising your voice firm is a natural reaction but yelling, screaming, shouting degrades a child may make you a poor role model.

Like adults, young children like to be respected and treated with dignity. On the other hand, sounding too mild or uncertain may dilute your message.  To avoid sending a weak signal, for example, "Do you want to go to sleep now? Instead of, "It's time to go to bed now"! Or, "Do you want to brush your teeth now? Instead of " it's time to brush teeth now"!

The study shows that the more parents or adults of young children encourage and enforce appropriate behaviors through positive discipline and child guidance strategies, the less time and effort parents and or adults will spend correcting your children's unwanted behavior. In fact, it reduces the undesirable reactions, and the children are proven to be having more self-control, self-discipline, and self-reliance (independent) as they learn problem-solving and refrain from getting into trouble. They tend to follow the rules and directions better.

Contrary to this, if parents or adults of young children use physical force, punishments, threats, and or verbal abuse-repeatedly put-down your children each time he/she does something unpleasing to you or misbehaves, this can interfere with the child's healthy development and learning. For example, physical abuse of any sort, spanking, or corporal punishment, can have some adverse effects on children. Actions that insult or belittle children are not only harmful to children because it can inhibit learning and can teach them to be unkind and aggressive towards others; but also, are likely to cause children to view their parents or adults in their lives negatively, and hinder building a good relationship with their parents.

 It is also true with the parents who withdraw from parenting their children either by carelessness and selfishness characteristics, intentionally cut-off communication and unwillingness to bond with your children. These can have a lasting adverse effect on your upbringing and relationships building because they may view you as uncaring parents and prevent having a good relationship with one another. Parent(s) who distance themselves from building a desirable relationship with their children are dodging their parental responsibility. By either distancing from communicating or from wanting to know their children where about. Such selfishness acts towards children will make them believe that such parent(s) doesn't care about them and they too have little or no feelings about these parent(s) because they hardly have a positive experience to say about them.

Nevertheless, there is no one perfect set of rules, formulas, or strategies that answer all questions about discipline or work all the times fruitfully. Just as it is true that all children are unique, and so as the families in which they come from. Thus, each child and family may respond differently towards any disciplinary strategies. One discipline strategy that might work with one child may not work with another even within the same family; still, disciplining ourselves is an endless process.

Moreover, to discipline young children is an inevitable process-it’s part of parenting your child in a right direction.  Parents' who are vigilant in acknowledging their children's efforts and progress, no matter how slow or small, when following the rules and or exhibiting self-disciplines are likely to encourage discipline as a learning and healthy development process. And whether you are a mother or a father rules setting for guidance and disciplining your children is your moral and ethical responsibility.

Why Adults Should be Authentic To Children and Why Authenticity Matters!

We all in one way or the other find ourselves in places which otherwise we wished not to be, for you may get lost or lose part of self-who you truly are or meant to be! But it’s okay because it’s still you and your life! If you can be you and be yourself, perhaps it’s the very best way to be authentic as a person!

When it comes to being authentic as an adult, you try your best to teach and model how you want your children to respect you, relate to you, and to others-we teach children to tell the truth. To be honest and respectful. In doing so, we create harmonious relationships based on honesty, truthfulness, and trust.

And so, think about the statement, adults should be authentic to children, and consider what does it mean, and why authenticity matters!

Being authentic as adults means being trustworthy and genuine especially to children. To show a true color of who you are when interacting with both children and other adults so that young children too can learn to tell the truth and to be trustworthy and genuine in what they do and say, hence build mutual understanding, respect, and better relationships.

The world we live in today is so complex that it demands adults to be more sensitive in the way you interact and respond to young children.

Unlike any other time, today’s society poses many challenges to both adults and young children as such we have lost patience and wisdom in the way we interact with one another. The current wave of unfounded and untrustworthy news, fake news, and lies have brought divisions in the society and among ourselves-it is creating dishonest and untruthfulness which leads to confusion, anger, and chaos among the people.

Lack of authenticity whether it’s in the public arena, in the workplace, or in the homes create suspicion, confusion, confrontation, and anger. When children are witnessing adults doing things and saying things that are not genuine and untrustworthy, it’s a recipe for disaster for the future society. How can an adult tell a child not to lie when the adult lies in front of the children? How can you tell a child to stop yelling and use soft tune/polite words, when children witness adults yelling and use derogatory language against fellow adults and/or even on younger children?

We know why preschoolers’ lie because children of this age group lying is a normal part of development, and they don’t lie all the time! Also, children in this age group don’t yet understand to a large extent that lying is being dishonest and its wrong! For them making up stories that are not true, or boldly exaggerating things is normal since they have not quite learned what is fantasy and what is a reality! If a preschooler said he can fly his car to the moon, the adults understand! And may suggest, you wish you were an astronaut, don’t you?

Needless, to say, is the child’s lie the same as an adult’s lie? And if a lie is a lie, does the age of the liar be in question?

As an educator and a parent, I know how frustrating it is to confront or address the lying behavior. Lying behavior is a behavior that makes most adults go nuts, and when children lie, they are sure to be disciplined. An adult can do a lot to discipline a lying child-teach more honest behavior, model truthfulness, set specific rules and consequences for lying, etc.

Now on the flip side, what can be done when adults lie?

What is currently trending is that what is true is a lie or fake; and what is fake, or lie is turned into being the truth (fake-truth or disruptive lies)! What some crocked and deceptive minds at its core when adults lie intentionally and knowingly? What teachings and/or impact this have on the young and growing minds of our children?

Adults especially those in power lie just to sell an idea, to defend an ideology, to steal people’s willpower; and or to cause disruption to the civilized minds so that they can push unpopular agenda or steal votes to win! But they too are responsible for setting good examples on how to persuade people without disruptive lies.

Saying shame to the proponents of fake news is not enough because such people when they cease to be creative, they invent disruptive lies. When they lose persuasive power, they threaten with disruptive lies. ENOUGH with disruptive lies!

When you know adults are telling disruptive lies, especially those in the leadership positions it is imperatively smart to counteract their lies because their disruptive lies affect the large population-it distort the value of morality in the society and our children’s moral upbringing. Persistent disruptive lies create enormous problems in the society and among the people. Some of the problems include fuel anger, cause suspicion, confrontation, and chaos, but above all, it creates division.

Time after time, we have witnessed anger unfolding and displayed in public, confrontation among media on perspectives can get heated and overwhelmed-each side trying to win a point against the other and individual groups divided and confronting one another with anger and aggression.

Most recently, we witnessed poor and at times, irresponsible responses from adults against children who were protesting for rigorous guns control measures during the March for Our Live rallies and afterward! Some adults still cannot contain themselves to have a civil debate and or constructive conversation on way forward in confronting the gun violence problem amicably.

The civil debate and the constructive conversation for the common good of humanity and the public health is eroding in our today’s society. Adults lying is the new normal but the biggest problem that causing such erosion in our society today! And where adults couldn’t lie, bullying and invasion of personal privacy with the intent to cause fear, to harass, and/or to silence takes its place!!!

 

To be authentic in today’s world is as hard as asking a frog to show its tail! However, it doesn’t have to be that way if you become aware of what to do when things are ought to be done for the common good and public health; just as the youth of Parkland, Florida and other places decided to lead the way toward finding sensible gun control measures. They organized the largest crowd of peaceful protesters in the US history after too many schools’ shootings which killed many students and adults as well; and demanded a change of the current gun control status quo!

The Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School Youth-led March for Our Lives Movement was a reaction against adults in public leadership positions for failing to stand firmly to address seriously measures to curb gun violence in schools. Because adults have been playing politics and disruptive lies about the real problems of gun violence in schools and in the community, these young children raised and declared ENOUGH, and # NEVER AGAIN! Their safety while in schools is now a priority!

When children start doubting what adults are telling them they will revolt! When adults won’t do what they should to do or say, clashes between adults and children arise! And when adults and children clash, what is the adults do?

If adults cease to model honesty and truthfulness for a notable period, children take note and soon chances of clashing ideas and competing for power struggle becomes inevitable and the positive interactions and responses become difficult and counterproductive.

John Mason Brown once said, “Reasoning with a child is fine if you can reach the child’s reason without destroying your own.”

Subsequently, adults are ultimate role models for children. Every word, movement, and action have an effect-if you can listen more, respect more and understand one another more, you will prevent and solve more problems that divide us.

Resilience-Roar Like the Lions of Serengeti-Tough Times Doesn’t Last, Tough People, Do!

Resilience is defined as the ability to recover from the setbacks, adapt well to change and keep going in the face of adversity. With the ongoing debate on guns safety that our children are involved in, teaching them resilience is the best tool adults who support and care about the current students’ movement on guns control can offer.

After witnessing countless schools shootings that killed many students as well as adults, while wounded many more, yet there was nothing the parents of the killed students or the injured students could say or do to sway the NRA and the gun manufacturers that the gun business is not only killing people and the most vulnerable of all children in their learning places, but also guns are the source of violence in the society! The time has come to face the truth and deal with this chronic gun violence once and for all!

The ENOUGH and NEVER AGAIN Gun-Control Movement was born and kicked-off on March 24^th, 2018 as for March Four Our Lives advocacy which was joined by the millions of people, young and adults around the world. Led by the students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland Florida, where the last school gun shooting took place and killed seventeen and wounded fourteen more, making it one of the worse school massacre in recent memory.

To keep the Gun-Control Movement going strong, responsible adults must become the instrument of inspiration, not a tool to demean, hurt, or humiliate! And always, in all situations, adults should remember that it is their responses that decides whether a crisis will be escalated or de-escalated, and a child will be humanized or dehumanized!

The flames that the student have given light in addressing the evils guns can do to humanity must not be extinguished unless safety becomes a new normal in our society! It is imperative that we embrace the culture of a peaceful society and despise the culture of violence-whether its gun violence, racial tension and all other forms of discrimination.

It is immoral for an adult to choose to disrupt, mock, or bully children who have made sacrifices (emotionally and physically) and are doing an extraordinary job to get out there in public with the intention to make the world a better place to live for tomorrow than they find it today!

What our children need right now is uplifting positive support and attitudes that build good relationships, mutual understanding, and eventually solves big problems amicably and for the benefits of all. No law should favor few at the expenses of many.

Neither do I believe that when the Founding Fathers wrote the Second Amendment over two hundred years ago had a vision on how the 21^st century society will look like, nor do I believe that Second Amendment gives right to guns to the people who otherwise should not get the guns because they cannot differentiate between the good and the bad. It is insane to claim that the Second Amendment grants all people the right to own guns, since not all people are equally responsible and or capable to own and/ or carry a weapon that can kill many people. It is illogical not to toughen the loopholes or the safety gun laws because of the Second Amendment. To safeguard the killings from guns we must safeguard the laws pertaining gun safety!

Now that our children have paved the way and are leading the Gun-Control Movement, resilience will be their friend and confidant. Building resilience is an important part of growth and change. Steve Goodier once said, “My scars remind me that I did indeed survive my deepest wounds. That in itself is an accomplishment. And they bring to mind something else, too. They remind me that the damage life has inflicted on me has, in many places, left me stronger and more resilient. What hurt me in the past has actually made me better equipped to face the present.”

Since you (Children) have decided to embark on this journey of advocacy, as you already have seen, some will offer you moral support, others their time and money, yet few will be a negative force with the intent to pull you down and to fail you! Fight the good fight and don’t let the people define you-if they do, hit back smartly, passionately, but aggressively.

“The secret of change is to focus all your energy not on fighting the old, but on building the new”, said Socrates.

Apply the collaborative learning and the project-based learning approaches in your movement as a way to build new avenues which will strengthen your message and broaden your movement and build on inevitable and unshakable capabilities.

Change is hard, but we must be open and willing to embrace change! Time will come when beliefs and ideology won’t make sense or save the humanity at large. Think about it! Two hundred plus years ago things weren’t as they are today! Societies have been going through various and major transformations that enabled people to live better lives and/or simplify their way of life. And as people, building a 21^st Century society, requires a 21^st Century laws, principles, values, and whatever else-technology and infinity leadership.

George Bernard Shaw asserted that “progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds, cannot change anything.”

Therefore, change is your destiny, go chase it; and when you do, roar like the lions of Serengeti!!!

Proof that Youth Leadership Matters!

On March 24^th, 2018 the world witnessed our youth’s organized marches-March For Our Lives rallies for common sense gun safety laws unfolding across the cities of America-from the nation’s capital, New York, Los Angeles, Chicago, to Parkland Florida; and around the world-in London, Paris, Rome, Madrid, Tokyo, Sidney, Berlin and many other cities. It was a phenomenon, many people turned out, in Washington DC the crowd was over 800,000 people. Their messages and their voices were engaging and powerful.

The youth aired their griefs, their frustrations and their tiredness of senseless guns violence that our society had become so accustomed to, that the adults in power lost the integrity and the moral authority to stop such violence from continuing to happen.

In loud and clear voices, they demanded change, “We cannot keep America great if we cannot keep America safe.” They make it clear that their rights to live supersedes the rights to guns! It was a historical event-a beginning of a beautiful lifelong story yet to be told! 

All students want to go to school with their minds thinking about learning not with their minds worrying whether they will be safe in school. Likewise, parents want to send their children to schools not worrying whether their children will return home safely!

We all calling for safer schools and communities; and now, our children are leading the way-unwavering support, mentoring and empowering youth leadership will bring the changes we want to see in our schools and in the communities.

“The world around us really belongs to youth, for youth will take over its future management. Our children must never lose their zeal for building a better world. They must not be discouraged from aspiring towards greatness for they are to be the leaders of tomorrow.” ~ Mary McLeod Bethune~

Voices of the Future: Choose Life Not Guns!

Apparently, students who survived the gun shooting at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High school in Parkland, Florida on Feb.14^th, 2018 are the true pro-life advocacy voices. In the wake of, yet another senseless school gun shooting they decided that, enough! Enough schools’ bloodshed from guns shootings, to keep silent and wait for the next school gun shooting that is cutting their lives short while disabling many physically, mentally, as well as social-emotionally.

The children are matching, rallying and debating about gun safety control across America and want their voices to be heard! They realize their voices are their future! They care to call for actions for the right to live and to live without fear of being gunned down while in school or in their communities. They are asking, have we not as a society reached a tipping point yet? Having seen so many school guns shootings in recent years, (https://everytownresearch.org/school-shootings/5955/)do leaders owe children and their families more than just a lip-service? We want our elected leaders to talk the talk and walk the walk!

It is very ironic that the same group of adults-people who claimed to be the strongest proponent of pro-life is the same group of adults-people who are protecting guns and will do anything to block any sensible measures for safety guns regulations including common sense guns control such as increased background checks. If you care and protect the unborn children, why not care and save young children’s lives?

Those who advocate protecting unborn babies (the pro-life advocates) must also promote the empowerment and the right to well-being of all children unborn and young children. Pro-life should mean enriching the life not threatening the life; pro-life should also mean life is worth protecting, instead of protecting guns that take life. What hypocrisy that is? Our children, however, will figure it out for us…how to go after those adults-people who we empowered to make necessary and needed changes, yet they choose not to, but to play politics!

Following the Marjory Stoneman Douglas High school gun shooting which took 17 lives and injured 14, the students decided they will act to demand actions…they won’t be the bystanders witnessing the loss of lives at the young age while their elected adults-leaders are bickering on the importance of safety guns control and guns ownership.

These young children are our children and their lives are threatened and at risk. Their voices are all they have to change the culture of guns in America and ultimately save lives. These children are not only reminding the adults that they are the future nation, but also that parents should never have to burial their child!

The voices of our young children are the voices of the future. Voices that are demanding their lives be protected. Their demands are not super complicated or hard to meet! Their demands are for the leaders to take responsibility and accountability in putting the rightful measures in place that will prevent further mass guns shootings nationwide from Florida, California, Connecticut, to many other places.

(Check these recent schools “Mass guns shooting” since1999 Columbine high school shooting):

Columbine High School (Apr. 20^th, 1999)

Red Lake Reservation (March 21^st, 2005)

West Nickel Mines Amish School (Oct. 2^nd, 2006)

 Virginia Tech (Apr. 16^th,2007)

Northern Illinois University (Feb. 14^th, 2008)

Oikos University (Apr. 4^th, 2012)

Sandy Hook Elementary (Dec. 14^th, 2012)

Santa Monica College (June 7^th, 2013) 

Marysville Pilchuck High School (Oct. 24, 2014)

Umpqua Community College (Oct.5^th,2015

Rancho Tehama Elementary (Nov. 14^th, 2017)

Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School (Feb. 14^th, 2018)

                             

As a parent of a high school student and an educator, I fear what the students fears, and that is not okay in the 21^st century that we are living in fear of what might happen at any moment because everyone has the right to guns. It should also be noted that we do have right to live too! So, which should supersede the other, the right to live or the right to guns? The answer to this question doesn’t require a rocket scientist to figure it out! If the adults we empowered to lead and protect our children and all of us can’t even use the optimal and logical reasoning to change the culture of guns in America, then, they are not fit to stay in those positions we empowered them to hold; and through the voices of our children they will be voted out.

Now than ever, “real actions” that “make a real difference” in our society’s way of life is in demand. A society that is embodied with “total safety” and “respect for human lives”, a healthy and vibrant society that you do not have to live in fear day in day out and/or with a nightmare many parents who lost their children due to senseless school’s guns shootings are living through.

What Changes our Children are Demanding?

1.    Optimal and logical guns laws and policies-pass the laws that will help prevent another shooting tragedy.

2.    Uphold universal background checks-plus use of technology to put together some systematic procedures that will counter check personal information of the individuals purchasing a gun to avoid guns getting into the hands of people who should not possess guns due to mental or social-emotional impairment, plus limit number of guns per individual to avoid private gun sales to unqualified individuals.

3.    Close the gun law loophole (private sale loophole or gun show loophole) to stop the sale of guns to the unlicensed individual or selling guns to individuals without performing background checks. (https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gun_show_loophole and http://www.politicalfact.com/truth-o-meter/article/2016/jan/07/poitical-sheet-3-things-know-about-gun-show-loop/).

4.    Ban the assault/military style weapons and bump stocks sales which are only illegal in California and are in unclear regulatory status in several other states.

         

  

5.    Calling for donors who give politicians money during elections to be elected so that they legislate on their behalf instead of the welfare of the public to give that money to schools to increase security and improve safety environment in our schools.

6.    No arming teachers-teachers should carry books to school, not guns! The idea that teachers be armed to create a safer schools’ environment is another “false narrative” intended to deviate from the real actions and solutions much needed on guns safety control. Aren’t we there yet in identifying lies and fiction from the truth and nonfiction? The idea of arming teachers is a smart strategy for marketing for guns’ manufacturers as it will put more gun in the hands of the public and therefore increase guns sales. It is a continuation of distrustful of human sincerity or integrity and disregard of appropriate standards to curb the culture of guns in America. Does Australia, Japan, Israel, and many other countries which do not suffer mass guns shooting as America do arm their teachers? If these countries managed to curb the problem of guns shootings in schools and in their communities, why America can’t?

7.    Ban Politicians’ “intentional lies”-intentional lies are a deceit with a mixture of betrayal! Words intended to easy or threaten the public outpour cry when confronted with an issue that society is struggling with to resolve-guns, immigration, work discrimination, sexual assault or domestic violence is a disservice to the people, and therefore our young children are fade up with adults’ lies and are demanding a “real talk” and a “real walk” from the adults-politicians who want to remain relevant and responsive to all people, not to the few-the NRA lobbyist and/or other interest groups.

When they Want the Changes? NOW!

If the Republican administration has full control of all the three  houses (House of Representatives, House of Senates, and the White House) and fail to pass the laws to regulate the easy access to guns and ban on sales of military weapons style like AR15 that killed the 17 people in recent school gun shooting, and /or other regulatory measures to ensure guns safety control as stated above, it should be concluded that they choose the right to guns versus the right to live; They will be considered that they failed to lead because they choose to give our children the blind eyes and the deaf ears and therefore do not deserve to continue holding the positions or public offices we entrusted them with. They will demand them to be voted out of the public offices, for they are there for personal interests, not public interests, they are for the lobbyists (NRA) and other interest groups not for Second Amendment!

Therefore, because our lives matter, all of us should support our young children by calling our states and national politicians to pass meaningful gun laws, policies and regulations that intend to prevent future school guns shooting tragedy.

Who Is Made in America?

For many years, America enjoyed being viewed and admired by many countries as a place where the dreams of freedom, opportunity, liberty and the pursuit of happiness to mention but few can be possible and /or achievable. As such, one may think that America’s greatness is rooted from within its own making, and perhaps one may even claim that America is anointed and more blessed by the Creator for its greatness than other nations in the world!

 It seems to me that in recent years, the notion of America as the great has gotten into some peoples’ mind that America exists as a gifted nation, or because if its own rights and merits; but it has always been that America’s greatness is a result of different people who came from all corners of the globe and with their uniqueness, talents, creativity, intellect, culture, and aspiration to live together in the mankind society-society that they can build success and live not only in unity but also in harmony!

“America is a nation of nations, made up of people from every land, of every race and practicing every faith. Our diversity is not a source of weakness; it is a source of strength, it is a source of success.” ~U.S. Secretary of State, Colin Powell.

Appealing to all mankind, the Declaration of Independence passage opens with perhaps the most important line in the document, “ We hold these Truth to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights, that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness. That, to secure these rights Governments are instituted among Men deriving their just Powers from the Consent of the Governed”. Thus, we are created equal, as defined by our natural rights; and so, no one has rights superior to those of anyone else. We are born with those rights, we do not get them from the government. With this philosophical principle understanding, the current president of the United State of America Mr. Trump had defied the moral vision of the founders-the method by which we justify and maintain peace and our political order. With his recent despicable comments about nations with people of color (Haiti and African Nations as “shithole” nations), he violated the cardinal moral truth of the Declaration of Independence and the Preamble to the Constitution of the United State of America. No nation on earth is 100% independent in satisfying all its needs by itself.

 Nations are interdependent of one another-we are integrated nations politically, economically, socially, culturally-tied, and so forth. So, when President Trump speaks of America as if it’s an island that emerged and surfaced by its own will, power, or ability, so much so that it is now America First, it intrigues you to want to ask who is made in America, and so can make a claim, America First?  The 21st-century generation is tuned and geared towards unity not separation, building bridges, not walls!

The success of America has been a result of many things, but the most powerful force of its greatness emerges and depends upon the diversity of its people, and of course, the vision of the nation’s founding fathers in establishing a government of the people, by the people, and for the people!

America is the nation of immigrants. Whether you migrated to America in 15^th, 16^th, 17^th, 18^th 19^th, and or 20^th centuries, all people migrated with the same mission and purpose-to seek better life and freedom! Realizing how themselves migrated to this country, the founding fathers put together a system that will build a cohesive nation of united people with common values that defend and protectant liberty and justice for all without fear of racial discrimination or cultural biases.

America’s founders established a society that would embrace diversity and celebrate the differences that various cultures would bring to America. And because America is made up of this rich heritage of many cultures, religions, ethnic and socio-economic backgrounds, there are core of values that are shared by all; such shared values have contributed tremendously to the fabric and strength of this nation and its people, and the efforts in reaching out and finding common ground from within and in ourselves as we share cultures and experiences from other people of other nationalities. Such shared values include freedom of education regardless of your gender, freedom of religion, freedom of family make-up, freedom of languages, to mention few. 

As people and as Americans, we are better when we all see one another as we see ourselves, we are better when we all understand one another, we are better when we all work together; and yes, we are better when we all learn together and listen to each other! When we embrace our human differences, it plays an important role in understanding one another’s culture and what makes him/her the person he/she is.

American people have always and should continue to stand in solidarity to defend and protect its heritage-the values that define America!

The current U.S. administration has caused a tremendous great deal of emotions among many people in our communities and within the international communities. Let us not allow an individual person to destroy the progress that America has enjoyed side by side with one another, and with many nations. When we allow poor and irresponsible leadership we are jeopardizing the progress and success that has been built by many and with many sacrifices that cannot be replaced!

The recent despicable comments by President Trump about countries like Haiti and African nations by calling them “shithole” countries deserve strong condemnation by all people-local and international. The civilized people and nations of all four corners of the earth!  

The position he holds as a President of the highest office of the land needs to be respected and protected. First and foremost, the respect should from the leadership, from the person who holds such office. Using the office of the presidency disrespectfully is irresponsible leadership.

 If you disrespect the highest office of the land, people will be disrespect you too, but if you command wisely, you will not only be obeyed cheerfully but also you will be highly respected. A leader of any nation has a great responsibility that is bestowed to him or her by the people who put him/her in power and using the power of the presidency to abuse others in words or deeds it’s not a leadership! I happen to be a person from one of the beautiful nations of Africa, the Republic of Tanzania, and you bet, I am angry, sad, and disappointed by President Trump’s despicable comments calling African nations “shithole”!!! I don’t get this, I don’t understand him!  Help me, please!

We the public know the importance of responsibility, and any adult knows the importance of responsibilities we hold to ourselves, for our children, and for one another! It may not always work out the way we plan, but we know the limit of acceptable and unacceptable, good and bad so that we don’t cross the line!

When you are a leader, that responsibility becomes your daily breath, which is to create an atmosphere of respect and trust, of unity and harmony! In contrary, Mr. Trump defies the conventional wisdom of the office of the presidency to the highest level using the office of the presidency to fuel anger, to cause uneasiness and unfair criticisms, create the unsafe environment in many places from schools, homes, and in the communities-local and international! Just because he is in America and he can talk “shit” it doesn’t make it easy for Americans who live and work outside America’s boundaries!  

Not long ago Americans were targeted all over the world and were disliked more than any other group of people/nations in the world until former president Barack Obama rectified and reversed that situation. And while he was doing the “serving America image” abroad, he was criticized by the current ruling party/administration as 'shaming America', how ironic that was and with what has been happening since Mr. Trump took the office of president!!!!  It seems like some Americans including Mr. Trump have forgotten that. Have we not witnessed or heard enough of shameful comments and acts for the past two years?

 No country big or small live in isolation and or can satisfy its own needs. Countries are interdependent-they depend on one another in so many ways! And those Americans who think America is the great nation that doesn’t depend on other nations, they need to get out their shells and get out to see the world, or better go back to school to learn a bit more! Knowledge emancipates!

More than ever before, we must stand up and reiterate the American values that are foundational to our American democracy and the system that has made this nation a great nation that other nations have taken the opportunity to follow and build on their own strength.

It is easy to get consumed with anger, frustration, and uncertainty, but instead, more than ever before, it’s time to say enough is enough, raise up and speak up, and act upon things that make America the great nation it has been for many years. Let us not forget how the nation come to be today! And let us not let America fall apart! Let us not pretend to forget, why immigrants came and will continue to come and settle in America.  

The immigrants come because they are the one who made America we live today!

“They have come from all over the world. Their faces have changed, not their reasons: the flight from poverty, persecution, war. Drawn by the shimmering promise of America, immigrants have been coming since America’s beginning, for a better life, for their very survival. Whole communities transplanted themselves in search of liberty and land. They reached for a future denied from at home. America meant opportunity as it still does today.” ~The Golden Door.

The immigrants come because they are looking for a place they can feel safe and free to believe what they want to believe!

“Persecuted for their religious beliefs, a long line of men and women have taken refuge in America ever since the Pilgrims landed at Plymouth Rock. From the Anabaptists fleeing Switzerland and Germany in the 18^th century to the Hasidic Jews fleeing Eastern Europe after World War II to the Tibetans who come today, their numbers have been small, but they have always come bearing witness to the idea of America as a haven for immigrants in search of religious freedom”. ~The Earth is the Lord.

The immigrants come because they are oppressed and feel unsafe in their homeland.

“America, governed under the freedoms established by the Constitution, has been a sanctuary for people fleeing oppression. Dissidents, troublemakers, radicals, they have been labeled many things. They are those who have taken a stand against tyranny and injustice; those who have spoken out against inequality, often in the face of intimidation. Barred from their homelands as enemies of the state, they have come to America-a haven where their voices will not be silenced.” ~ Chuck Willa-Destination America.

The immigrants come because they want to be free, they want to seek opportunity for prosperity that is not found in their homeland.

“America has appeared to people everywhere as a promised land, a destination of vast possibilities. From the beginning, most immigrants have come looking for a better life for themselves and their families. For some, like the 19^th century Norwegians, America meant opportunity. For others, like the famine Irish, it meant survival. For Mexicans, it has been both. America is a country founded and built by immigrants, a place where they found the livelihood denied them at home.” ~The Golden Door.

The immigrants come to seek freedom from fear of war, natural disaster, political instability, or violence that threaten their livelihood.

“As of 2005, 20 million people, nearly one out of every 300, cannot go home. They are refugees: victims of war or revolution, targets of an ethnic or religious genocide. In the aftermath of World War II, U.S. immigration policy first granted refugees special status, acknowledging a distinction between immigrants seeking economic betterment and those fleeing violence or prosecution. Since then, 4 million refugees have come to America in search of safety.” ~Chuck Wills-Destination America.

And some immigrants come to America for the opportunity to become and or to create what American can only offer—the opportunities and possibilities that can only be found in a free society which America is.

“Creative spirit has come to America from all over the world. Drawn to the possibilities of a free society, they have flourished in the creative openness of America. However, the United States has not always been a destination for creative minds; not until the 20^th century, when writers, artists, and scientists, persecuted by Fascist regimes in German and Italy, had only one hope: flight. Their books were burned, their lives threatened, and America was waiting.” ~The Art of Departure.

In conclusion therefore, in this time of difficult challenges within American ‘politics-parties’ ideology, beliefs and or ideas that some harbors and feel the need to exercise or push forward their divisive agenda at the expense of all the Americans and the democracy they have fought for and defended fiercely have the responsibility to answer this question, “how United State come to be, how the nation has become what it is today, the world’s foremost multicultural society”.

Once again, our leaders need to be mindful not to incite anger, frustrations, and chaos on its people with the intention to separate, humiliate, dehumanize, and the unwillingness to see the value of diversity, and what diversity has done to America!

Where our leaders failed to educate us, let us choose to educate ourselves, let us choose to become a positive force that defends, protects and inspires, not a negative force that cause, anger, fear, despair and hatred; let choose to unite, not to divide because,  “Diversity in America not only represents a host of an intimate snapshot of culture and heritage but document the struggles of nationalities to integrate into the “Melting Pot” society of America and highlights the strength and integrity of various cultural leaders and thinkers.” And, without this rich mixture of races, cultures, and religions, America would not be the nation that it is today, founded on the beliefs that freedom and equality is the right that should be enjoyed by all Americans whereby intense different cultures not only coexist peacefully but also thrive to become America the great nation of all.

Why Does Gender Awareness  Matter?

The current outburst wave of sexual mistreatment, misconduct, and abuse of women by men in the workplaces, in the community, not to mention in the homes left us all wonder and question whether we have done our part, our responsibility, and accountability for our own actions towards one another as we mingle and socialize!

Carly Fiorina, a former CEO of Hewlett Packard and the 2016 Republican Presidential nominee said, the current wave of the sexual harassments allegations from Hollywood to Capitol Hill “will only be a watershed moment if men decide to step forward”. Though she may have a point there, traditionally, male chauvinism and ego will not allow them to step forward. It will mean self-defeat, and who will bring self-down voluntarily? Perhaps it will take a village to help men keep their acts together and “man-up” for their daughters, sisters, aunties, wives, and mothers!

Now, we have heads of states, Hollywood moguls, journalists, Joe the plumber, and or taxi-drivers all have been sexually misbehaving towards women! Of course, in all walks of life, there are bad apples and oranges, but when the bad multiplies, will eventually infect all and become pandemic if not contained!

In trying to find some answers to this disturbing sexual harassment behaviors by men, looking at the root cause of this problem from the context of gender biases and stereotypes that begins from early years of age and continues as they grow old will be a viable measure and inevitable way, if we want to restrain sexual misconduct from its root!

So, instead of waiting for men to step forward, mothers and teachers especially should more than ever before become more aggressive in addressing and teaching moral compass to our children-teaching our boys what being girls means to boys and what being boys means to girls-how to be respectful, responsible, and accountable for our interpersonal relationships and social-interaction behaviors.

The current ongoing wave of sexual misconducts and sexual harassment allegations against women make every woman and mothers wonder whether we have done a good job in raising our children and teach them enough about gender and the respect for gender differences and what it means from early years of their age.

Now than ever before, we need to look back and rethink on how to counteract gender stereotypes with young children so that they (boys especially) grow up with awareness of acceptable pro-social conducts and interpersonal interactions, boundaries of interacting and relating to one another and healthy relationship building. We must raise boys and girls who will grow up not only respecting one another but also responsible for their actions towards one another!

How do young children’s experiences with gender bias affect their development and opportunities for leading successful lives later in the workplaces, in the communities, and in the homes? What can mothers and teachers do to intervene and counteract these stereotypes?

Joannie M. Schrof, a journalist and an editor have said, “Despite current applause for gender equality, children seem to be as stereotypically sex-typed as those of yesteryear.”

Stereotypes and sexism limit potential growth and development because internalizing negative stereotypes impacts self-esteem and ultimately, academic performances of learners and for adults, it affects work performances and relationships with one another and or with their spouses.

There are many stereotypes in every society! Some of the stereotypes are negative and others are positive, however, all stereotypes contribute to a culture of prejudice, which is communicated in words and actions to families, communities, and young children (Derman-Sparks, 2001).

The early gender bias experiences that children encounter can shape their

· Attitude and beliefs related to their development of interpersonal

and intrapersonal relationship,

· Access to educational equity,

· Participation in the corporate work world, as well as

· Stifling their physical and psychological well-being (Hendrix &

Wei, 2009).

(https://youtu.be/kJP1zPOfq_0)

It is critical for educators especially early childhood educators to be aware and vigilant about the effects of gender stereotypes because the concepts of gender identity (intentionally and unintentionally) are applied on children even before they are born, e.g. baby’s room be painted blue or pink, and choices of play toys to symbolize the gender of the child!

Children begin to form concepts of gender around age 2, and most children know if they are a boy or a girl by the age of 3 (Martin & Ruble, 2004).

Children develop their gender identity and begin to understand what it means to be male and or female between ages 3 and 5 years, and soon as children become gender aware, they begin developing stereotypes, which they apply to themselves and to others, in an attempt to give meaning to an understanding of their own identity!

By ages 5 these stereotypes are well developed and become rigidly defined between ages of 5 and 7, making the preschool years a critical period to deal with gender stereotypes (Martin & Ruble, 2004).

Long-term gender bias effects become most apparent in students during adolescence (Carlson Egeland & Sroufe, 2004).

Educators, particularly preschool educators can help children develop a positive sense of their own gender. Teachers who are familiar with the factors that influence gender identity and stereotype development, and who understand the child’s active role in gender identity formation, can more effectively counteract and even neutralize gender bias in their classrooms and attempt to prevent the formation of children’s gender stereotypes (Zaman, 2007). They say prevention is better than cure! If we catch them during their early years of learning, it will save them during their old ages as had learned and refrained from behaviors that are gender identity influenced and stereotypes.

Theories of Gender Development

Lawrence Kohlberg was one of the first theorists to address gender as a learned, cognitive concept. Kohlberg believed that children’s cognitive understanding of gender influenced their behavior (Kohlberg, 1981). Kohlberg’s thinking was influenced by Jean Piaget, who portrayed children as active learners who use interactions with their environment to construct an understanding of the world around them.

These early ideas have been supported by research, and in one study, children were asked about traditional and non-traditional images of women as portrayed in books. Children as young as age 5 were able to use outside knowledge or assumption to reconcile ideas that conflicted with their worldview. They rationalized and used “probably” statements to explain how they come to their conclusions, with or without the use of stereotypes. This research supports Gender-Schema Theory (Martin & Ruble, 2004) which involved the creation of organized structures of knowledge that influence thinking and behavior.

Also, Lev Vygotsky on social interaction played a fundamental role in cognitive development-the ways people interact with others and the culture they live in shape their mental abilities and behaviors (sociocultural theory). Imitation and instruction are vital components to children’s development. Adults promote this learning by role-modeling behavior, assisting with challenging tasks and passing along cultural meanings to events and things, all of which are components of gender development.

Therefore, as adults, we are responsible in raising our children as moral individuals and we need to do more to model the behaviors we want to see in ourselves, in our children, in our community, and in our homes!

Influences on Gender Identity and Stereotypes

Gender stereotypes are pervasive in the media and popular culture (S. Saltmarsh, 2009). From consumer products inundate children with gender-typed on messages on bed sheets, towels, bandages, clothes, school supplies, toys and furniture (Freeman, 2007); to media advertising products e.g. cars or computers sales, typically depicting men and boys as competent users, engaged on active or professional roles, while women and girls were passive observers or merely posed next to the cars/computer while looking pretty or provocative. Same as in movies which convey powerful messages about gender roles and stereotypes.

It is from these treatments of women and girls (gender inequality in many levels) that creates the unwanted and bad behaviors we currently see in many men towards women!

From preschool settings to the higher learning institutions gender inequalities have been observed and it’s now up to the teachers, families (mothers especially) to work more closely with children from young years of age to combat the negative gender identity behaviors that culminate to sexual behavior misconducts and sexual abuses on women.

The classroom environment can not only affect how young children understand the importance of social issues, such as those of gender, but also what they think about themselves and others.

Teachers have the tremendous influence on ideas about gender significance and the role of each gender that must comply with to maintain proper interpersonal interactions and social relationships. Instead of praising girls for their clothing, hairstyles, neatness, and helping behaviors; and in contrast praising boys for their strength, physical skills, sizes, and academic competence or accomplishments, it is better to adopt a neutrality position when addressing boys and girl’s world from early on.

Likewise, families influence gender learning when they reinforce or discourage specific behaviors, for example, mothers are more likely than fathers to encourage collaborative play with both sons and daughters, but fathers are more likely than mothers to react negatively to cross-gender behavior, especially with sons; sons are more likely to be told stories of autonomy and achievement, while daughters are more likely to be told stories of relationships or support; fathers more often told stories of mastery and success, while mothers’ stories were usually a direct expression of emotion.

Therefore, moving forward in combating sexual harassment and or abuse towards women, teachers are to be prepared to promote equitable teaching and families confront gender differentiation and identity construction at homes by demonstrating unbiased interactions and communication, provide encouragement and coaching both girls and boys as having equal abilities and talents to tackle anything they put their hands or heads to.

The power of self-concept is profound, as is the ability of adults to influence the children around them. Families and teachers are encouraged to consciously and intentionally create and promote a positive learning environment-not just in promoting developmentally appropriate practices to stimulate cognitive, emotional and physical domains, but to create a moral compass for what they learn, as well as help shape a global, multicultural, and anti-bias worldview.

Young children create and internalize their own meaning of gender, based on the social cues of the adults, environment, and media around them. Adult, in turn, have a responsibility to ensure that those cues and messages create a healthy understanding of what it means to be male and female (Derman Spark, 2001).

By equipping young children with positive messages of empowerment regardless of gender, in addition to the critical thinking skills to identify stereotypes, teachers and families can impact in children's self-concept resiliency, even when faced with negative stereotypes (Small, 2003). Those children will then be less likely to perpetuate the stereotypes and can help end the cycle of prejudice against girls and women. (Dimensions of Early Childhood, Vol. 39 №3, 2011).